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Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Ostrich No More

I am uplifted and renewed this week. After a week of stress and insomnia, I am finally back on a semi-regular sleep schedule and thanks to the kindness of my mom, I finally spent some time worrying more about being happy than about making money (Mostest, mom!). Before my mom waved her magic mommy wand and sprinkled love and generosity into my life, I had spent a lot of time over the last few weeks wallowing in my own issues. Her love and pep talks taught me that I need to step outside of myself. Sure, there is a lot going on in my life BUT there is a lot going on in everyone’s life. I can’t let my worries become so big that they take me away from the things that really matter. I have been neglecting the people that matter to me the most. Because of that I forgot my best friend’s birthday and my Dad and his wife’s anniversary. I had been feeling pretty guilty but I realized that the guilt just plays into my issue. By wallowing in my guilt, I am still only spending time paying attention to my own feelings. I am making a resolution to be better about stepping outside of my own sadness. I decided that my time is better spent focusing on the happy things in my life: friendship, family, faith. There are so many people who have been praying for me and trying to lift me up during this time. I am on a journey to try to find my new path in life but it doesn’t mean that I have to leave those from my former life behind until I have something positive to report. They can hear the bad just like they can hear the good…and alternatively, I should be available to hear the bad and good in their lives. They will support me no matter what and I know how lucky I am to have people like that in my life. They (unlike me) haven’t turned into themselves despite the hardships they are all suffering. I should be just as good a friend/daughter/sister to them. So today, I declare myself ostrich no more. I am pulling my head out of the sand and though my eyes burn a little, I can see things for what they really are. I need to shape up.

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