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Tuesday, June 2, 2009

A Year In The Life

One of my favorite musicals of all time is Rent (the stage version). As cheesy as it is, I often think of the song "Seasons of Love" when celebrating anniversaries and birthdays. I know it sounds cheesy but its important to take time to think about how we measure each passing year. My husband and I just celebrated our first year anniversary and a lot has happened within that time. We have lived through each of our vows. Better, worse, sickness, health, richer, poorer...check, check, check, check, check and check. For sure there are more debilitating diseases than lupus and worse things than losing a job. That said, for us, it has been a roller coaster of a year (mostly on my end). Since my last post, I have been to the doctor and I am no longer in remission. I still don't have a job. I am still writing and still focusing on positive thoughts but if I had to look at this year on paper and it was about someone other than me, I might view it as pretty tragic. Since it is me, however, I can step back and take stock of what has happened. I am not in remission but I found a great doctor and a really good medication that I am hoping will work just as well the second time around. I don't have a job but I am not stuck working for people I don't like in a job that I am not passionate about. I have a partner that supports me when I break down and makes every effort to pull me close when I try to push him away. So like the song says: "How do you measure a year in the life? How about love?" Our first year of marriage had ups and downs but we still love each other and personally, I love myself a little bit more. I am finding my passion rather than slaving for a paycheck and even though income would be nice, I think my story will be better for all of this. So, even though I'm feeling a little down, I choose not to measure the previous 525,600 minutes by tallying how many minutes/days I felt like crap or in how many tears I cried. Instead, I am keeping count of how many times I laughed so hard that it hurt and how many times I felt loved and appreciated. I measure the huge opportunity I have been given in being forced to start over and find my passion at 30 when I have worked long enough and hard enough to know what I don't want to do but I'm still young enough to not be terrified at spending my retirement money (though living on my savings still makes me pretty uneasy). All in all, it has been a year full of great moments and lots of love. If I focus on that, the other things fall away. Who needs to measure setbacks anyway? It's no way to live. So, measure in love (even if you hate the song)! And if you love the song (or on the very off chance that you have never heard it): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HcSDli-Byn8

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