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Monday, July 6, 2009

Battlefield

My favorite song as of late is Battlefield by Jordin Sparks. The song is about love always feeling like a battlefield and the line "Get your armor" is repeated throughout the song. The reason I love this song is not for the reasons that you may think. My marriage isn't on the rocks. If anything, its less like a battlefield and more like a big open field of wildflowers straight out of some cheesy dream sequence from a movie. Inside our little world, things are peaceful, warm, funny, tender and supportive most of the time. Yet, there I am every time I hear that song on the radio singing at the top of my lungs telling myself (and everyone in earshot) to "Get your armor!!" I was singing just that on my way home from a pre-4th of July party at a friend's house this weekend when I felt a lump in my throat. At first, I was confused. I was having a great weekend. My husband was away for work but I had spent some quality time with friends and escaped my jobless reality for a while. For me, that is usually enough to be in a good mental space for a while. As tears welled up in my eyes, I realized that I love the song because its a battle cry for survival. In writing, praying, planning and searching for my next opportunity, I am strapping on my battle gear and pushing myself to fight for my comeback. Satisfied that I had sorted through my emotions, I pulled my car into the driveway and headed into the house to relax. I spent the day hanging out with Storm (my cat), watching TV and doing some clean-up on my book. Honestly, I didn't give much more thought to the battlefield epiphany because its been a continuing theme since I lost my job. I'm always giving myself a pep talk about pushing forward towards my new life. Then today, after watching hours of coverage on Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett and Steve McNair, I needed a break from death and media scrutiny so I started flipping the channels. I came across a show called I Survived on the Biography channel. It is about people who have faced everything from brutal stabbings to animal attacks and lived to tell the story. Whether they had to play dead or literally fight, they all lived to tell the story. The message in each of their stories is the same: Its your life. If you want it, fight for it. It was the same message from the song I had been belting out in the car. In life, we're all going to find ourselves on a battlefield at one point or another. You can either lay down and be defeated or get your armor. At least at the end of the battle, even if it doesn't turn out how you'd hoped, you can look in the mirror and see a warrior with a story rather than a victim hanging her head in defeat. I hear chainmail is the new black. Get your armor!

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