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Monday, July 27, 2009

Crossroads

I am at a crossroads...well, kind of. Let me explain. After lots of time with no opportunities, I now have a few. Some are of my own creation. Some are more practical. None are absolutely certain (hence, the "kind of"). I applied to replace a friend of mine in a job he is leaving. After months of hearing "its all about who you know," I am finally in a position where I know someone on the inside and because of his reference, people are excited to meet me. Then, on Friday, I heard from a partner I used to work for. He talked with a recruiter who, like most recruiters, says he has lots of opportunities. The difference is that he has been given a briefing on me by a well respected senior partner. Ironically, I've dealt with this recruiter before but it was over a year ago when I wasn't thinking of finding a new job. I'm thinking its no accident that he has been steered back in my direction. Then, there is the stuff I am working on with regards to writing. I've started submitting to potential publishers. I've done extensive research and I've even started working on a marketing plan. In short, I'm deeply invested in the book deal process. So, what do I do? Do I go for the lower paying job that I will probably like more or the higher paying job that has the chance of spinning me back down into the corporate misery that I felt before? Was my firm experience unique or will it be the same roller coaster, different park? Where does my book fall in all of this? Will I have time for it or will I sweep my creative passions back under the rug for the pursuit of a paycheck? More importantly, if I sacrifice my passions for money, what was the point of this so-called cathartic period? I'm certainly going to interview for all that comes my way but if I'm honest, I want one thing (job fulfillment) and need another (money). I wonder if I can find both in one place. Today, someone said, "Don't be afraid of failure. Be afraid of success at the wrong thing." I am a chooser of stability but a lover of writing (among other creative pursuits). How am I going to make all of this work? I have already had success at the wrong thing. Maybe there is something to be said for taking the risk of failure at the right thing. Maybe the point of this was to take me through a time where I cultivated my creative talents to a point where they will forever be at the forefront...despite where my regular paycheck is coming from. I think I'll take a step back until I actually have some job offers to contend with. Right now, I'm at the crossroads alone, but I can make out a couple of opportune shadows just past the horizon. That's usually enough for me to start trying to figure out what to do if...and when. Oh, how I'm hoping for the WHEN!!!

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