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Monday, October 5, 2009

Baby Eagles

I haven't posted in a while...I needed a break. To be honest, I wasn't in a place where I was capable of encouraging myself and I didn't want to memorialize my negative thoughts in writing. After a little time and distance (and a fun getaway with hubby and some friends), I'm ok and back in the game. After all of that, I guess I don't have to say that I am still not employed. I mentioned in my last post that I didn't get the job that I had dubbed "perfect for me." I haven't directly heard from the second job but I heard through the grapevine (through the friend that referred me) that I am on the B-list. In other words, they are moving forward with their top choices and if the ultimate supervisor doesn't like those choices, they may call me back. I went for my callback interview for the third job on Friday. If I make it to the next round, there are at least two more rounds, so there will be no certainty there for quite a while. if I get that job, it will mean the end of me using my law degree...at least for the near future. The job pays next to nothing in a New York market BUT I think it will offer me a lot of personal fulfillment. It's all pretty frustrating and I don't know what I am supposed to learn from all of this. Trust me, I have tons of questions for God...but I am putting them on hold because I don't even know if this third job will work out. I want to ask why I went through law school if I am meant to end up in a job where I don't need the degree or why I got married and built a life based on my previous income when it was just going to be taken away. The reality is that this job might not be in the plan either. So, where does that leave me? It leaves me right here. I got so high on my expectations last time that the door closing in my face left me completely stunned. This time, I am still trusting that there IS a plan. It may not be MY plan but I am trusting that it is all going to work out as it should. I am still exploring other ways to create income.

I heard a sermon today that included a lesson about baby eagles and how they learn to fly. At some point, the mother eagle clamps on to the baby and flies off with it. The baby is there clamped securely in its mother's talons enjoying the breeze when all of a sudden, the mother drops the baby. The baby freefalls towards the earth and the mother catches it right before it hits the ground. The baby is saved and goes back to soaring with the assistance of its mother's wings. Then the process starts again. Eventually, the baby gets the hint and starts to flap its wings. God does the same thing to us. When he wants us to grow, he takes us from a place where we are safe and secure and drops us into a place of uncertainty. Eventually, we learn to fly. Right now, I am in a freefall. I'm flapping my wings and for the moment, my effort is stopping me from crashing into the ground BUT I haven't yet started to soar.

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