Wednesday, December 30, 2009

River Wide, Mountain High...Getting Past Obstacles

It has been a while. I haven’t written because I had a lot on my head and heart but I wasn’t in a place to wax poetic about my situation. Once I was ready, I was busy and kept putting off my writing time. Then, today, I was opening the door to go outside at work. I wasn't venturing far. I just needed to get in range of my car, press my key and set the alarm on my car. An older female co-worker saw me and in her motherly way admonished me for not wearing a coat. I explained that I wasn't going all the way outside and was just opening the door. The woman with her exclaimed "Leave her alone. She is young and healthy!!" Given that the statement couldn't be further from the truth, I started to think about how my outlook on life has influenced my outside look. In some way, it is all connected to my quest to become a new me. A person that is positive, happy and in control of my emotions for the most part. I can’t control what is going on with my body or my future but I can control how I react to things. Because of that, I choose to react to each disturbing medical diagnosis, each job application rejection, each denial letter from a publisher with a positive outlook. That is not to say that I won’t every get upset. In fact, I cry, stress, panic and yell when I need to. I am not a robot and I am not advocating being emotion free. Eventually, though, you have to take a step out of your grief bog or you will slip into quicksand. Actively seek the lesson and if you can’t find one, make a concerted effort to find the silver lining. Can’t find either? I’ve been there. In fact, I am there now. The only thing left to do is to encourage myself. I have been through worse and I have learned that no matter how wide the river obstructing my path through life, it can always be crossed. I may meet another obstacle on the other side BUT at least I got to that side…and if I got there, I can get through the next obstacle too. As I face the latest obstacle before me, I remember a quote I was given by a friend when I graduated from law school: “What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson

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